Mom scolds other mom for sharing water bill with teenage kids to stop them taking long showers: 'I don't see showing them as a bad thing'

a woman and her teenage daughter stand at bathroom mirror together, brushing their teeth

Unfortunately, mom-shaming is one of those things that doesn't have an expiry date.

Any parent who thought that it ended with how you feed them as a baby or how much screen time they get when they're little kids is likely to be rudely awakened in the teenage years, when a whole host of other factors become a reason for judgmental people to look down on you. 

Sometimes, this comes in the form of the classics, like what a kid wants to do after high school, or whether they go out partying or not. Other times, though, the shame can originate in some unexpected places. Seeing as parenting is all about teaching a child how to be a person and that job gets a lot more expansive as they get older, it probably shouldn't be that much of a surprise. It can just feel hurtful when someone else sees the parenting choices you have made and then decides to disapprove of them.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • 01
    a high window shines sunlight on a white shower curtain and a shower head, which is turned on
    via Tanner Marquis
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  • In particular, friends casting criticism on the ways in which other friends parent their kids can be a cause for argument. Most parents want other parent friends for the support, not to be told that they are doing things wrong. 

    In this story, a mom could not stop thinking about how a friend of hers took offense at how she had chosen to stop her kids taking long showers. She had been complaining that it was a habit that she could not get her teenage daughter out of.

    In response, the mom told her that she had showed her same-age kids the water bill, and this had curbed this behavior. The friend claimed that this would make them “anxious”, leading to a debate, and the mom wasn't sure if she was in the wrong. 

  • 02
    My (48F) friend (45f) have kids around the same age (two teenagers each). Last time I spoke to her, it was before a party we were both going to that she said her daughter was probably going to make her late to because she was taking a long time in the shower.
    via AffectionateFun4674
  • 03
    a woman and her teenage daughter stand at bathroom mirror together, brushing their teeth
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    I told her that my kids used to take showers too, until we started showing them the water bill and (at least one of them) started taking shorter showers so it wouldn't cost as much. Personally, I don't see showing them as a bad thing because sometimes they do need to see how much they're costing us as parents.
    via AffectionateFun4674
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  • 05
    My friend responded that I was making them "anxious." I thought that was a bit of a leap, as I talk about a lot about how much their clothes/food/other wants cost openly. And me and my husband make a pretty good living too. So we started debating about it for a bit until we dropped it. This has been lingering on my mind for a bit, so posting to see if I'm the AH.
    via AffectionateFun4674
  • 06
    a closeup of a person's hands using a calculator and making notes with papers surrounding them
    via Cj (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    Lamacorn NTA Kids need to learn the value of money. They need to learn how to budget. They need to become self sufficient adults But they also need love and kindness, so as long as your delivery was kind and to educate, you're all good.
    via Lamacorn
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  • 08
    childd I'm not sure tbh, as a kid, you might feel like a burden to your parents, so seeing the bill might've worsened their self- esteem, but it can also teach them the value of money
    via childd
  • 09
    After-Past-9404 NTA. You know what will make your friend's kids really anxious? When, in a few years, they will inevitably be thrown into the real world with absolutely no concept of budgeting, time management and personal responsibility.
    via After-Past-9404
  • 10
    Alert-Tumbleweed-790 Soft yta, it's healthy to explain and prepare kids on how much life costs, however, unless they were taking 30 min showers, 3 times a day, I find it a bit weird to hold that over their head, especially when you earn good money. It would make me so anxious, hope your kids are different, otherwise, imagine dreading and being worried you consume too much water and money everytime you shower.
    via Alert-Tumbleweed-790
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  • 11
    volpiousraccoon I mean it really depends on how you say it. "Look how much you are burdening our family, we could've been so much happier if we didn't have you!" is different than "Be mindful of the bill and shower within a reasonable time, we have to stay within our budget".
    via volpiousraccoon
  • 12
    wesmorgan1 Part of parenting is (or should be) preparing your kids for independent living. That, in turn, means that parents should teach kids about bills, budgeting, financial planning, etc.
    via wesmorgan1
  • 13
    That doesn't mean that they need to know about every dollar/pound/euro you might have, but guiding them through the family bills (as in "here's what our day-to-day life looks like in terms of money", NOT "look how much money you cost me") should not be a big deal. NTA.
    via wesmorgan1
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  • 14
    ps> I definitely stopped complaining about chopping/hauling firewood when my dad showed me how much our electic bill dropped when we used our wood stove...
    via wesmorgan1
  • 15
    Jack_Stuart M23 YTA, just for your attitude of "how much they are costing us as parents". They're likely going to take that as you resent them for being a burden on you and feel guilty for wanting anything. Showing kids household finances is not a bad idea in general if it's within a couple years of them being out on their own, so they can learn the cost of living before they have to do it themselves. But it sounds like you didn't do it for a purely educational reason.
    via Jack_Stuart_M23
  • 16
    Haggardearlybird NTA. Financial literacy starts young. I had no appreciation for home owning costs and no one should be wasting anything. You can show them how that money could be spent elsewhere.
    via Haggardearlybird
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